At first, it might seem ridiculous to think that a man could be afraid of a woman. What in the world could a woman possibly do to hurt you? You’ve probably even said it to yourself 100 times before:
“I should just go talk to her…what do I have to lose?”
Yet, men all over the world and in every culture are terrified to approach a woman they’re attracted to. In fact, many men never overcome their intimidation when it comes to approaching women, and end up unsatisfied in their relationships because of it.
Well, if you want to avoid being a part of this unfortunate group, then you’ll want to pay close attention to this…
What is it That You’re Really Afraid of?
This is a common question men ask themselves when they’re confronting their anxiety about approaching a woman or even being themselves around her. Most of the time, men make the mistake of saying: “I have nothing to be afraid of, I should just talk to her.” Ah, but if you have nothing to be afraid of you probably wouldn’t be afraid right?[Read: How To Handle Tests From Women]
So how about we take a closer look at why you’re afraid. As you probably know, most fear is rooted in uncertainty and disappears once we identify the true source of that fear…
So, you DO have something to lose. If you want to get over your fear of women, it’s important that you acknowledge the source of their power over you. That power is their ability to either validate or invalidate your position of a man of value, and believe it or not this is a power that you willingly hand over to them.
You see, men have a different set of fears than women do. Women are more fearful of their safety and security being threatened or of abandonment by the person who is supposed to love and to protect them. On the other hand, men’s fears are more ego centered, such as their fears of inadequacy… that they are “not good enough.”
If you doubt this to be true, just do a little research about the connection between male suicides and financial crisis. When a man feels that he is no longer able to provide for the survival of his family, he feels worthless.
This is completely normal, and it is based on the basic human need for survival and reproduction. But the problems arise when you start to base your value as a man on whether or not a woman is interested in you. Whether you are consciously aware of it or not, your primal survival instincts interpret that as the woman considering you to be adequate for the sake of survival and reproduction.
Now, most men (or people for that matter) aren’t self-aware enough to realize this is actually what’s actually happening. Instead, they just chalk it up to “approach anxiety,” and try to force themselves to it by sheer willpower.[Read: How To Convince Women You Are Good]
As you might have guessed, this is about as effective as hurling a water balloon at an oncoming freight train.
Instead, it’s important to realize that you actually do have something to lose in being rejected by a woman and that your fear is completely rational and natural. Once you accept this, you’ll no longer have to fight the exhausting battle of ridding yourself of this fear.
Then you’ll be ready to learn how to use that fear as fuel for positive action. But first, it’s time to be honest with yourself about how much fear runs your life when it comes to interactions with women…
Some Tough Questions to Start With
Okay, I know you’re probably anxious to know how you can use this information to produce positive actions. But first, you have to be honest with yourself by assessing just what your fear is keeping you from enjoying amazing interactions with women.
Here are a few questions to start with:
* What’s your initial gut reaction when you see a beautiful woman?
Most of the time, your initial gut reaction will tell you more about yourself than hours of careful self-analysis. If you are not sure about the answer to this question, make a note to pay attention to how you respond psychologically to an attractive woman.
Do you suddenly feel small, timid and inferior?
Do you find yourself immediately correcting your posture, adjusting your body language or fidgeting with your hair or clothing? Do you start getting nervous if she looks your way or if you even think about approaching her? If so, these could all be signs that you are giving her opinion far too much weight when it comes to your value as a man.
* What’s your initial reaction when you sense that a woman is “rejecting” you?
In asking yourself this question, it’s important to pay attention to the word “sense.” There are hundreds of ways that we can find ourselves thinking that a woman is rejecting us when she really is not.
For example, if a woman looks away suddenly when she sees you looking at her, do you take that as a rejection? What if you say hello to her and all that she does is says hello back?
Do you assume that because she gave you a one word answer that she is not interested? Or what about if you ask a woman out and she denies your first invitation? Do you get a sick feeling in your stomach if you had just been punched in the gut by a heavyweight boxer?
In spite of the fact that this is a natural reaction, it’s important to ask yourself how sensitive they really are to rejection from a woman. And the most important question…
* What is your response when a woman “tests” or disagrees with you?
Although most men are completely unaware of it, women throw out tests in order to determine whether or not a man is qualified to date. Your ability to pass these tests is going to be completely dependent on your ability to deal with your own fear of inadequacy.
It is also the one factor which can make or break your dating life.
How can you know if you’re in danger of “failing” these tests? You start with the above question, and be as honest as possible with yourself. When a woman disagrees with you, or starts showing disapproval for something that you like, what is your initial response?
Do you feel the need to “make it right” or to convince her of your point of view? Do you feel a certain sense of fear that she will lose interest in you if you don’t agree with her or at least validate her point of view? Do you sometimes tolerate a woman being bratty, unreasonable or even disrespectful because you are afraid that she’ll leave you or lose interest?
If so, it’s important to be honest with yourself about whether or not you are afraid of women. If so, this is nothing to be ashamed of… a lot of guys suffer from this. The thing that would be shameful is to allow yourself to stay in this position of weakness and to end up having to settle for less in regard to your dating life.